1. The Pre-Game
As we all know, this is an excuse to have friends over so they can a) make sure your outfit is the right mix of slutty and girl-next-door cute (and so you can test it dancing to all the Ke$ha they won't play at the party), b) bring you alcohol, and c) establish a code word for "SOS come save me" for those times when the creepy guy at the frat wants to dance. An essential part of any night.
2. The Entrance
Obviously this requires perfect timing. Arrive too early, and you're stuck in a cycle of awkward until everyone else gets there; too late and they're out of jungle juice and cute single guys. When you do arrive, make the rounds-- say hello, grab a drink, sign up for pong.
3. The Party
Dance, drink, talk to people, play games. Kiss someone cute if you feel like it. Done.
4. The After-Party
Here we have several options:
a) you've hit gold, and are going home with someone! You go, Glen Coco.
b) you're going to another party/bar/club/event-- once again, go you! (check schwastey levels first though cause once you're all the way there it's lame to leave early)
c) your friends abandoned you for boys and/or alcohol, but you're tired and want to leave. You walk home alone/get a ride. Not the best of options, but you do you.
d) you leave with your friends-- either you have a fun and/or exhausting walk/ride back to your dorms recapping the night, or you stop and get drunk food, which is always better if you don't remember it the next morning. Often the most fun option.
5) The Morning After Security Patdown
First, are you in your own room? Do you have all your important possessions? The shoes you wore last night, your phone ID & keys, your dignity? Good, it's time to move to the technology portion of today's program. To the phone-- any drunk texts? missed calls? incoherent tweets/Facebook statuses/blurry Instagrams? Super embarrassing tags on Facebook? You're doing great so far, keep it up! It's now time to investigate your room and your health-- is there a large mess? any sign of vomit? how is your makeup-- on, off, or smudgy? Any strange bruises? Scratches? Headache? Drink some water, take some Advil, suck it up. It's time for brunch*!
6) Brunch* (alcohol optional, but always fun)
Text your besties, it's time to recap sober. Who went home with who? And OMG did you see Courtney table dancing at the after party? Gossip best served with a side of fruit salad and mimosas.
7) Recovery
Whether you drunk brunched or not, by now you probably need a nap before finishing your homework for Monday or the second season of Scandal. This is absolutely acceptable and expected; anyone who knows you should know not to contact you between one and four on post-party days.
8) Repeat!
Duh.
