Traffic signs are more ridiculous than your haircut.

As most self-respecting teenagers do (with the minor exception of many of my close personal friends), I have recently learned to drive. Well, technically I am still learning. I just like thinking I'm fully prepared. In any case, part of this process includes learning to recognize all the obscure, esoteric road signs I will ten-to-one never happen upon during my travels. But despite their lack of frequent occurrence, I will know them forever anyway.
But even though I'll admit they're cursed useful, I am not going to let their roadly wisdom distract me from making fun of their shapes and colors. Just because they are important does not qualify as reasonable doubt for exemption from mocking, particularly in light of their recent attempts to imitate building blocks for very, very large children. So. Let the fun begin!
STOP SIGNS: No. Why don't you stop mocking me, with your bright red octagonal form, and your extra-clear letters, most often spelling out S-T-O-P? Had I designed you, you would be quite well-shaped, with a triangular body, because everyone always stops to look at triangles (they mean mountains on maps, and mountains are good things to be aware of, so triangles might have information to impart), and you would have a skin tone in a nice shade of yellow. Yellow is reminiscent of... well, I don't know exactly what, but it makes people stop. And it is more eye-catchingly bright.
YIELD SIGNS: Yes, well. Yield signs really are fine, it's their message that should be improved upon. As a new driver, I'm still just learning to pay attention to the road, and it's quite irritating to have to pay extra attention to a sign telling me to pay attention to the road because there are going to be things in it. Probably not noticing the sign would allow me to slow down faster. But were I to redesign them, they would be round, with a green border.
RAILROADS: Honestly, railroad signs irk me. While they do let you know what's going on, they really just aren't that pleasant to look at. I think it's probably the whole intersecting-diagonal-lines-across-the-middle-of-a-circle thing. It just... interrupts the aesthetic flow.
SPEED LIMITS: If I had my way, these would be the red signs. Regulatory signs seem like they should take a more cautionary tone than simple black and white- to really get the point across, they should definitely use more colorful language. 45 MPH!!! is way more scary than 45 MPH. Besides which, I really just disappreciate the presumed need for limiting speed in general- why go somewhere if you can't there fast? And why would anyone attempt to interrupt my leaving as late as possible? I'm a growing girl, I need my sleep!
MOOSE CROSSING SIGNS: Okay, these are just awesome. I can think of nothing snarky to say about a Moose Crossing Sign. Moose are simply too wonderful and also scary to be commented on.

(yes, I took this, stopping in the middle of a state highway. oops.)

Honestly, I'm not a scary driver- I don't yell out the car window, I don't crash into things, I don't even drive over the speed limit (well, not very much, anyway). The worst thing I do is start talking like a Valley Girl when I get super-stressed. I just think that there are rather an overwhelming lot of signs to pay attention to, and it might be simpler to adhere to them all if they corresponded to my personal preferences, that's all.

Olivia Inc., redesigning traffic signs since last week ©